This is a warning to all Citizens of Eddington Hollow.
It has been discovered that certain citizens of Eddington Hollow may be at unusually high risk for breast cancer.
We are concerned about environmental factors present in our town that may result in high cancer risks. Studies have recently shown that exposure to certain chemicals in wool may result in higher concentration of free radicals in the body. For this reason, we advise the Local Yarn Shop to discontinue selling any yarn produced from the hair of unicorn or sheep younger than three months.
This is something we are taking very seriously, and anyone found to be wearing garments of these dangerous materials will be taken back to the hospital for a mandatory training session in the threats of carcinogens.
Be safe,
Dr. Mary
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